Good reasons to keep it casual
There are plenty of ordinary reasons to keep things casual: you're busy, you're between relationships, you've just left a long one, or you fancy someone and that's enough. The post that calls hooking up an end in itself argues that wanting to is reason enough, and between two adults who both want the same thing it is, with no further excuse needed.
Other reasons are more curious. The relationships post says sex is the one area where you can't compromise your way round a mismatch, so it's kinder to everyone to find out early. The one on unexpected places argues that meeting different people shows you what you like. You can disagree with both and still get something from the question underneath: what do I actually want?
Be honest about your own answer. If you only want a night, say so; if you'd like it to carry on, say that too. An honest reason lasts longer than a polite one. Casual also doesn't mean careless or unkind. It means no commitment, with the same manners you'd show anyone.
Meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet
Two more posts look further afield. The different country post argues that a different background can change the dynamic, and the language post suggests that pillow talk makes vocabulary stick, on the theory that people remember more when they're relaxed and enjoying themselves. Treat both as prompts rather than rules. People aren't their passports, so ask about home, work and plans as you would with anyone, and if you do pick up a language, ask for the polite phrases as well as the cheeky ones.
A few reasons to wait: you're hoping it will turn into something the other person has said it won't, you're trying to get over someone, or you feel pushed into it. None of those is a failing, but each is worth admitting to yourself first. Try a quick test: picture how you'd feel tomorrow if it went well and if it didn't. If you're fine with both, go ahead. A hookup can stay a hookup or turn into something else, and neither is a failure.
Whatever your reason, the ground rules stay the same: say what you want, ask, use condoms and leave on good terms. The first hookup tips go through each of them. For the timing side, see hook up now, and for the adventurous side, exploring sex.
Reasons to say yes
- Why you should hook up with someone from a different country
- Hooking up with a foreign partner to learn a new language
- How a hook up can lead you to unexpected places
- Hook up, because the best relationships start with sex
- Hooking up is an end in itself
Every post is in the blog archive, newest first.