How to hook up

From first hello to a night together

There's no single trick, just a sequence, and each step is easier than it sounds.

1. Decide what you want. One night, something regular or let's see how it goes. All three are fine; guessing isn't. Once you know, say it plainly, in your profile and in your first message, so the people who want the same thing know to reply. The profile tips show you how to word it without sounding like a form.
2. Meet people any way you can. The street post calls approaching strangers a numbers game, so expect a few polite refusals and take each one well. The one on stopping someone as they walk past covers the angle, the opening line and asking for a number. Online, pick your nearest town and start with whoever is close by.
3. Put the phone down. The smartphone post makes a fair point: you can't notice the person beside you with your eyes on a screen. It holds on a date too, where checking your phone says you'd rather be elsewhere, and at bedtime, where it says the same thing more quietly.
4. Ask. How to ask someone to hook up sets out a direct message and a gentler invitation. Whichever you send, say when and where, make it easy for them to say no and take the first one as final. Short and specific beats long and clever.
5. Keep going in the cold. The winter months post has three habits that work: say yes to invitations, make the plans yourself when the diary goes quiet and dress for the weather so you actually go. A lunchtime coffee is a perfectly good first meet when the evenings are dark.