Ask first and assume nothing
Good hookups run on a few habits, and none takes long to learn. The first is to ask rather than assume. The post on what not to assume about your hookup runs through the usual traps: that they've had lots of partners, that they know their way around, that they like one particular thing, that consent counts for less when it's casual (it doesn't) and that casual will stay casual. Every one of those is fixed by a question, asked kindly at the right moment.
The second habit is saying what you want. "Something casual, nothing serious" is a perfectly good sentence, and it stops anyone guessing. The third is looking after yourself: condoms with anyone new, regular tests and a first meet somewhere public with a friend who knows the plan. Our first hookup tips and safety tips hold the detail.
Logistics matter too. Decide whose place it is, how you're each getting home and whether anyone is staying over before you're too far in to be tidy about it. Few things spoil the mood like a tense conversation at the door at two in the morning. Messaging has its own manners: reply when you can, don't send anything explicit that nobody asked for, and treat a slow answer as an answer rather than a reason to send five more.
Keep it fun once you've clicked
After a few meetings, the effort pays off in how relaxed things get. The sex games post has three easy ideas for mixing things up once you both know what's off the table, and the summer post is a light read about making the most of warm weather, including an honest verdict on how overrated pool scenes in films are.
If you fancy a change of scene, hooking up with someone from another country is the one to read. Its case is that someone raised elsewhere shifts the whole dynamic, and the useful takeaway is to be curious about the person rather than the passport.
Feelings change, and that's allowed. If you start wanting more, or less, say so early and kindly, before it turns into a guessing game for both of you. Whatever happens, leave on a decent note: a short message the next day, whether it's a thank-you or a gentle no to a repeat. The basics are in how to hook up, and the health side is in sex is healthy.
Hook up with confidence
- Why you should hook up with someone from a different country
- Top three summer hook ups that everyone should have
- Sex games to play with your hook up
- 5 things you should never assume about your hook up
Every post is in the blog archive, newest first.