Pulling in a club

How to pull on a night out.

Win the night before you leave the house

Pulling is British for chatting someone up and getting a yes, and most of the work happens before you get there. Eat first, wear something you can dance in and feel good in, and start with pre-drinks. The post on hooking up in a club says a few friendly faces before you walk in make a big difference, and it's right: you arrive known, not as a stranger.

Your look matters, and so does the setting. The reasons post makes both points: a relaxed, romantic setting works better than a cramped corner, and the effort you put in for the night gets noticed. In a club that means choosing your moment, after a song ends or when someone is looking around, rather than cutting into a conversation.

You don't need a line. Talk about the night itself: the music, the queue, whether they know the next song. The bar queue is underrated: you're both stuck there, so a few words come naturally. Ask a name, remember it and offer a drink only if you'd offer one to a mate. One drink of Dutch courage is plenty; a second makes you louder, not better.

Read the room, then read the reply

Talk to the group, not only the person you like, because friends have a quiet veto. Compliment something specific, like their dancing or their laugh, rather than their body. If someone is friendly but not interested, a warm "Enjoy your night" beats lingering. Not everyone you approach will want to chat, and a no is information about timing, not about you.

Interest on a dance floor isn't consent, so ask quietly and accept whatever you hear. Agree an exit with a friend, text them when you leave and pick a licensed taxi over a lift from a stranger. Know the last train or night bus before you start, so a good night doesn't end at a locked station.

Mind your own mates too. Nobody enjoys being dumped at a bar for a stranger, so agree a signal and a message for when you go. It keeps the night friendly, and friends who feel looked after make better wingmen.

For more on the club itself, see club sex, and for the reasons behind a yes, why women want sex. Our hookup safety tips set out the sensible rules for the next stage, once you've swapped numbers.

Pull with confidence

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