Exploring sex

Trying something new with a hookup.

Find out what you actually like

A casual arrangement is a low-pressure way to learn your own tastes. Nobody expects a future, so saying "I'd like to try this" doesn't turn into a conversation about where it's all heading. The post on unexpected places gives three examples: a blindfold, a little rope play and swapping who leads. People who usually take charge find out what handing over feels like, and people who usually follow get to set the pace. Even when something isn't for you, you learn why.

Start with talking, not a surprise. Raise the idea before anyone is undressed, in a message or over a drink: "I've been curious about this for a while, are you?" Make a no easy to give and easy to hear. It tells you about their limits and nothing about you. Exploring doesn't have to mean props, either. It can be a slower pace, the lights on instead of off, saying out loud what you're thinking, or taking turns to decide what happens next.

Go slowly and keep a way out

Begin small. A scarf as a blindfold is a gentler first step than anything involving rope. Agree a word or signal that means stop, and honour it the second it's used. If anything restrains a person, keep it simple enough to undo in seconds, and don't leave them alone with it. Keep it sober too: alcohol and anything that takes control away are a poor mix, because neither of you can judge limits clearly.

A first meeting with someone new is the wrong moment for big experiments. Learn how they respond to the basics, then add one new thing at a time. Afterwards, talk about it: what worked, what didn't, what you'd skip next time. That chat is half the fun, and it makes the next time better. Check in as you go, too, not just at the start. A yes to the blindfold isn't a yes to everything that follows, and either of you can rethink halfway through. Someone who respects a no on the small things is the right person to go further with.

Trying something new doesn't cancel the usual care. Meet somewhere busy first, give a friend your plan and use condoms with anyone new; the safety tips guide goes into consent in more detail. For a lighter place to start, try sex games, and for the wider case for variety see why hook up.

Find out what you like

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