Hooking up and personal values

Hook up culture has been thriving and growing for years now, and for good reason. Having sex is a basic life need. It counts amongst the list of basic urges that nearly every human feels. We all feel hunger. We all feel thirst. We all feel sleepy and tired after having been awake for a certain length and period of time… and we all feel the desire for sex. This desire can drive us in all sorts of positive ways. It can inspire us to better ourselves, motivate us to work longer hours and persist with projects and plans where we would otherwise fail and lapse, and it can be a fountain of happiness and good feeling. Sex is a wonderful thing and if more people were having it, there would likely be less conflict and war in the world.

There does come a question about where our personal value systems lie and whether they are compatible with a hookup culture and way of life. Can you have a friend with benefits relationship and still be true to your core values? If you are someone who likes having a fuck buddy (or two) does that mean that you cannot be congruent with your day to day self? Some people argue that this cannot be the case. A recent article on the Psychotherapy Networker stated that most of generation X were seeking long term relationships, and that hyper sexualisation of their dating lives was adverse to this core desire, leading to a dissonance between their core belief system and their day to day life choices. For anyone who is truly looking for a long term relationship, the habit of hooking up with different people regularly is likely one that is not going to result in that! It can happen of course but it is not as likely as if you start out looking for the long term.

However, I would argue that this all comes down to personal desire. I think that most people that are hooking up are doing so because, well, they want to hook up! I am sure that there are people who also are open to a long term partner, but in the moment that they are meeting someone on the adult dating circuit then that is what they are looking for. Most people are not looking for something long term and this is an accepted reality. So for these people that are being congruent with their value system. The drive to have sex is one built into the very core of who we are as humans. To ignore it is to ignore your true self, to accept it is the way to be in harmony with your value system.

So be honest with yourself. If you want to hook up with someone, go for it!